


Who You Are When You're With Me

by such_heights



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Community: femslash12, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-30
Updated: 2012-11-30
Packaged: 2017-11-19 22:39:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/578384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/such_heights/pseuds/such_heights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pepper felt herself begin to relax, the muscles in her back and her neck slowly uncurling from their default state of constant tension. She smiled over at Natalie, feeling a little dopey from the faint buzz of alcohol and the late hour.  Natalie smiled back, warm and sympathetic. She really did have a very pretty smile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who You Are When You're With Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lionessvalenti](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionessvalenti/gifts).



> Written for lionessvalenti in the femslash12 exchange. Many thanks to purplefringe for the beta.

Pepper had no problem admitting that she'd been very sceptical of Natalie Rushman when they'd first met. It was part of her job, really - she'd been around Tony Stark more than long enough to know that when most people went out of their way to meet him personally it wasn't out of a sense of professionalism. Everyone wanted favours, or bragging rights, or to see for themselves if he really was like the papers said.

Pepper understood the impulse, but it got grating when coming from within her own company and she was going to crack down on it now she was running the show. So she watched Rushman closely, was more than a little taken aback to discover that she had some kind of secret ninja fighting skills, but also noted the way Tony's interest was instantly piqued, which was definitely a lawsuit waiting to happen. 

She'd keep an eye on Rushman. So far, no foul, but Pepper's trust was hard to earn.

She put in a few enquiries around Legal and heard nothing but praise - Ms Rushman was quiet, friendly enough but strictly professional, and extremely good at her job.

Then Tony made her his new PA. Of course he did. Rushman seemed perfectly happy to go along with that, and Pepper had already pegged her as the type to make her feelings plain should she be otherwise, so that was that. Pepper did the things that Tony wouldn't, like draw up contacts and get Rushman some training, most of which was the two of them sitting down together and going through all of Tony's quirks, foibles, bad habits, and what did and did not constitute a reasonable request.

"I kind of want to give you a panic button," Pepper admitted. "He can be a real pain in the ass, you know."

"I do know," said Rushman. "I'll be fine."

"Good luck, Ms Rushman."

Rushman waved a hand. "Oh, please. You can call me Natalie."

"All right. Natalie. You just give me the word when you need anything, okay?"

"Thank you. I will do that."

Pepper's suspicions hadn't entirely evaporated, but they were certainly dissipating. So far Natalie had done nothing but do her job to the best of her ability in spite of Tony's, well, everything, and Pepper had a lot of respect for people who could handle him the way she did. Whatever motives she had, they didn't seem to be the type to ruin him or the company, and that was good enough for Pepper.

Then came Monaco, and it turned out that Natalie could keep an extremely cool head in a crisis, and it also became very clear that Pepper needed all the friends she could get.

Natalie was a lifesaver, calmly absorbing Pepper's anger and frustration at the world in general and turning it into workable action points. She helped Pepper smooth over everything that could reasonably be smoothed, and projected a constant sense of unflappable efficiency that Pepper found tremendously soothing. She was usually that way herself, but lately the stress had been getting to her and it was harder to keep her head down and get on with things. Natalie made it easier. 

*

"You need to relax," Natalie said, putting down her own stack of papers and grabbing the phone out of Pepper's hand. "Seriously, there's nothing else you can do tonight that's more important than getting some rest."

"Fine," Pepper sighed, because it seemed easier not to argue. "Too wired to sleep just yet, though."

Natalie shrugged. "Fair enough." She got up and went over to the drinks cabinet. "What's your poison? I'm having vodka."

"Oh, what the hell," said Pepper. "Get me one as well."

Natalie came back with two generously filled tumblers. Pepper took hers gratefully, and Natalie's eyes glinted as they chinked glasses. 

"Okay, so," Natalie says. "You have five minutes to rant about Stark as much as you like, and then we're not going to talk about him anymore."

"I can't decide whether he's ruining my life on purpose or by mistake!" It burst out of Pepper before she had a chance to think about it; the question had been weighing on her mind. "I can't decide which is worse, either - that he's making an effort to sabotage me, or he doesn't care enough to realise he's doing it."

"Stark's a mess," Natalie said bluntly, with more force than Pepper was used to from her. "He may be a genius and everything but I wouldn't put him in charge of tying his own shoelaces, let alone running a company. You're better than him, and you'll weather this out."

Pepper opened her mouth to leap to Tony's defence on instinct, then she reconsidered.

"Well, I don't know about that. Not if he keeps pulling stunts like Monaco anyway."

Natalie shook her head. "Everyone burns out eventually, even guys like Stark."

Pepper sighed. "I don't want him to burn out, I just want him to act like a person. A normal person. You'd think I'd know better by now." She shook her head. "Anyway, you're right. Tony does not deserve any more of my time."

She took a sip of the vodka, wincing slightly as it hit the back of her throat. Natalie watched her, clearly amused.

"This is probably a bad idea," Pepper said. "I've got meetings all morning tomorrow and a lot of ruffled feathers to deal with."

"If you need my help in any of them, just say the word. I can rearrange my schedule."

"Thank you, but no. I'll be fine." Pepper kicked off her shoes and put her feet up on the table, the polished wood soothingly cold against her heels. She let her head fall back on the sofa and looked over at Natalie. "You're a hero, you know that?"

Natalie shrugged. "Just doing my job. But you're welcome."

Pepper felt herself begin to relax, the muscles in her back and her neck slowly uncurling from their default state of constant tension. She smiled over at Natalie, feeling a little dopey from the faint buzz of alcohol and the late hour. 

Natalie smiled back, warm and sympathetic. She really did have a very pretty smile.

*

They spent a lot of time together after that. When Pepper was working all hours, Natalie would be there with herbal tea and reports that she'd digested and translated into something approaching actual English.

They mostly talked about work. Natalie didn't give much of herself away - so far, all that Pepper had managed to pick up were a few details. Natalie had moved to California from Boston about four years previously, had an interest in ballet, picked up those alarming boxing moves from a few years travelling after college (Harvard), and liked her coffee black and her pizza with olives.

It wasn't much. Pepper found herself collecting the details like little treasures, parts of a puzzle she wanted to complete. She had to frequently and forcefully remind herself that Natalie Rushman was her employee and that there were rules about this sort of thing. Rules she'd written herself. 

*

After everything that happened with Hammer and rogue Iron Men blowing up everything in sight and Tony nearly dying and the rest, finding out that Natalie was actually a SHIELD secret agent called Natasha was not as much of a shock as it could have been.

Pepper didn't get the whole story right away, just some incoherent mumbling from Happy about how apparently Natalie had taken out every security guard in a very secure facility, and some cryptic and probably insulting remarks from Tony.

Three days after the disastrous Expo, Natalie -- Natasha -- poked her head around the door while Pepper was in her office trying not to drown in paperwork.

Pepper looked up, too startled to say anything, and Natasha let herself in and shut the door behind her, leaning against it and not coming further into the room.

She looked wildly different. Business wear had been swapped for skinny jeans, a tank top and a jacket, which hardly screamed 'secret agent', but the way her whole demeanour has changed makes it very clear that Natalie Rushman had never been real. Pepper wondered whether Natasha Romanoff was real either, or whether she just slipped from one persona to another, with the real person hiding underneath and never seen.

She highly doubted that she'll ever know.

"Hi," she said. 

"Hi,' said Natasha.

"Did you leave something here?" Pepper asked. "I can have your things sent to you if you want."

Natasha shook her head. "No, it's not that." She stepped forward, her hands clasped in front of her. "I wanted to explain."

Pepper shook her head. "That's not necessary."

"No, but I'd like to."

"I'm not angry or upset, if that's what you're worried about it."

Natasha nodded. "That's good to know." She smiled, eyeing the state of Pepper's desk. "How's everything going?"

Pepper sighed. "Well, I could definitely use you if there's any chance you're considering a career change."

"Tempting, but I think I'll stick to what I'm good at."

"Which is?"

"Doing what SHIELD needs me to do."

"Ah. Well that's suitably mysterious."

Natasha laughed. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's all right. I know a little bit about SHIELD - the Avengers initiative, that incident down in New Mexico --" she paused. 

"Pretty sure you're not supposed to know anything about any of that. How about you let me take you out to lunch so I can debrief you and figure out just how much of a threat you are to international peace and security."

Pepper picked up her purse. "Just how worried should I be?"

"Lucky for you, I've always had a soft spot for a pretty face." Natasha winked. "Let's go."

*

Pepper was fascinated by Natasha. She was both more relaxed and more guarded than she was while undercover - quicker with a joke, and making Pepper laugh with her dry, sharp sense of humour, but also more reserved, whole worlds of trouble and worry in the set of her shoulders and her dark eyes. 

She was the most intriguing person Pepper had ever met. She leaned forward as if she really could hang on Natasha's words, and she got tantalising glimpses into the world of SHIELD as Natasha said just enough to let Pepper fill in the blanks. Something big was going to come, and when it did, they were going to have a team ready, and Natasha would be right at the heart of it. 

"So I have a question," Pepper said as she stirred her cappuccino. "Why bother to help me as much as you did? Was it part of your assignment?"

"In a way," said Natasha. "Wasn't hard to figure out that there was no getting near Stark unless you thought it was okay. Not to mention, we're pretty interested in being on your good side. You're a player in all of this, always have been even before you took over Stark Industries. And we need all the friends we can get. Also, Agent Coulson asked me to personally. He speaks very highly of you."

"Does he?" Pepper grinned. "Ah, Phil. It's been too long, I must ask him over for dinner sometime."

"I'm sure he'd like that."

Pepper leaned back in her seat and looked at Natasha. "And what about you? What's next?"

"Same as you, actually - a monumental amount of paperwork. A lot's been happening, not just here, so I'll be hauled into briefings and meetings and all the rest of it." She shrugged. "Government jobs."

Pepper laughed, amused by the idea of the Black Widow, super spy, twiddling her thumbs in a board meeting. Natasha laughed too, and that much was the same as before. Pepper realised she didn't really care who Natasha was, who she'd been and who she was going to be. She just wanted to know as much of her as she was allowed.

"How long are you staying here for?" she asked.

"Not entirely sure. Director Fury's still debriefing Stark, and I imagine I'll go back to HQ when he does. Why?"

"Well," Pepper said, stalling to gather her nerve. She might be wildly off-base here, it was impossible to say. "Would you like to come over tonight? I promise not to make you field PR calls."

Natasha's answering smile was slow and warm, and Pepper felt relieved that she hadn't entirely misjudged the situation.

"Yes," Natasha said. "That sounds great."

"Seven thirty?"

"I'll see you there."

*

Pepper spent the rest of the afternoon making inroads into her terrifyingly long to-do list and fielding bored texts from Tony, who insisted that he was being grievously mistreated in SHIELD's hands. Pepper had a pretty good hunch that that wasn't true. At some point, she was going to make Tony sit down and they were going to talk, but not right now. She wanted a little room to breathe. They'd figure things out later. 

Right now, there was dinner with Natasha. Pepper tried, for once, not to think about the future, to come up with a dozen different strategies based on different hypotheticals, and did her best to focus on the moment.

At seven o'clock, she forced herself out of the office and back to her apartment. She didn't spend a lot of time here, in truth, usually finding herself at Tony's mansion when she wasn't at the office, but she kept this place for the principle of the thing. It was something that was entirely hers. She swapped her business suit for a loose dress, kicked off her heels, and tried not to worry too much about whether or not this was a date.

Natasha showed up right on time, looking artfully casual in dark jeans and a shirt. She brought wine and flowers, which seemed like a good sign, and Pepper spent the next couple of hours trying to guess what Natasha's intentions were. She wasn’t _not_ flirting but she was certainly subtle. Pepper hadn't exactly expected anything else, given the spy job and everything, and it became a bit of game, as she tried not to give away her own position too clearly.

She made no obvious overtures, no flirtatious compliments or not-so-accidental brushes of her hand against Natasha's skin, but she devoted her entire attention to every word Natasha said. 

Natasha told stories - minutiae about the bureaucracy of SHIELD designed to make Pepper laugh, and tantalising snippets of missions she wasn't allowed to talk about. Pepper didn't mind too much what was true and what wasn't - the point was, Natasha was here only because she wanted to be, and Pepper had no desire to ask for more than that. 

She cleared the plates away into the kitchen and took a moment to admire the orchids Natasha had brought her. 

"For a delicate beauty," Natasha said from the doorway.

Pepper hadn't heard her come in. "Is that so?"

Natasha nodded, and the quirk of her smile seemed a clear message this time. Pepper put down the plates and walked over to her, standing within arm's reach and watching her.

"Agent Romanoff, if you're trying to seduce me to gain access to industrial secrets, I have to tell you that I don't really have any."

Natasha's eyes were bright with amusement. "That's all right. Hacked into your systems weeks ago anyway."

"Of course you did." Pepper reached out to rest her hand on Natasha's deceptively delicate wrist. "Am I overstepping a mark here?"

"Possibly," said Natasha. "But I would like it if you did."

Pepper felt equal parts curious and longing as she leaned in to kiss Natasha. It wasn't anything like how she'd imagined, in unguarded moments, kissing Natalie Rushman might have been. And it wasn't anything like how she might have imagined kissing a Russian super spy would be, either. Natasha felt mostly like a person, warm and soft, her mouth slick against Pepper's. Pepper slid her hand up Natasha's arm, enjoying the feeling of well-defined muscle now, hidden beneath the crisp cut of her shirt. 

Natasha pulled back a little, just to check in. Her expression was warm, open, content in the moment. 

"Okay?" Pepper asked.

"Very okay. You?"

"Very very."

"Good."

The rest of the world, its complications and complexities, seemed very uninteresting now. It was just the two of them, standing in Pepper's kitchen, and the only course of action Pepper felt she had left was to lean in and kiss Natasha again.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic of] Who You Are When You're With Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/726965) by [exmanhater](https://archiveofourown.org/users/exmanhater/pseuds/exmanhater)




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